.

whats the truth? who do i trust?
i know its been a while but im starting to rust
maybe i already passed the point of corrosion
with all the abrasion from these raw emotions

the black is back, you see
unearthed from my digital sanctuary
they jumped out of the bytes of their confines
and circle around me as the prey to dine

they are too many thats quite sure
my feelings locked in each beast in a blur
they thrive from my sorrow and live from my blues
they grow black and toxic and haunt me true

i am plagued once evermore
maybe seven hundred times more
than ive ever been before
and what a joy! theres more

what should i feel? what should i wear?
what should i don to mask the spiderweb tear?
i am quite confused, perplexed to what i am
everything was wrong yet...could i feel a damn?

i actually dont want to. but...i have to?
cant i just let them go? flick off the bullet that went through?
whats happening, really? the story is thick inside the muck of hatred
i dont trust you and never accepted your stories

i never heard his. never heard theirs.
or maybe i did but was too dead to care
what was it then? what about now?
if that didnt happen then should i try to cry now?

because this is unfortunate and i wish it wasnt so
but i never wanteed this to happen and thats all i know
i wish i knew him better
i wish we were never apart
i wish a lot of things that arent good for our hearts

i wish you didnt meet then, so all these wouldnt happen
i probably would still exist, the question would just be when

what happened to you? what happened to him?
please tell me the truth youre both lying to me
i hate it when this comes up. i hate feeling alone
but thtats alal ive ever been since coming ou of the womb

you are all i have but i cant feel your net
he was all i couldve had then, but his needs werent met
tell me, why does it have to be this way?
why must the child tolerate this kind of day?

i wish i was young again
hopeful and free
i was happy and jolly
all you wanted me to be

you let me go into the crowd
but with your fingers pinched on my arm
so you wont lose me in this town
even if youre the one doing the harm

you dont know who i am
maybe he knows me more than you do
the problem was you never talked it out
or maybe im just naive to think that was true

the few times i talked to him
i lived in a little bliss
in the little fantasy world where all of this
didnt happen and we're normal, ungrim

i cant blame you, i cant blame him
hearing the stories of both of your families are grim
i know why you guys turn out the way you do
but wish both of you went the other path and stayed true

both of you knew the pain of neglect
but neither of you learned, and yet demand respect
look at me now, mother, father
i have broken anad my pieces are ever farther

and neither of you know
neither of you will ever know
and you wonder why i never got mad
because i wished at least you could see its bad

you said so yourself. mad is bad
but what other example do i follow? youll hit me when im sad
i cant feel here. this isnt home
everyday. everyday. i want to confront you till we're bones

but im stuck
stuck in the crossroads of what could have been
i owe my life to you, yes that is true
you fed me and washed me, groomed me
sent me to school and bought me my things
you pecked when you can and hugged when you could
but when it comes to my feelings youre cold and shrewd

what am i then?
countless times i have written
in notes in ink and bytes
that i am a bot, not someone to pretend
that i have purpose beyond pretending to be bright

what is this then
what are we doing

i know you feel like we're going along well
but honey try jumping in my black blue hell

you vowed back then to never make me go through the same things
what happened then, or are you blind to the stings
number than ever, colder than before
i wish i was better at handling your fore

i hate being right
i hate being done
i wish you could love me the way he loves his son
at least he did one thing right

what a sob story, i see
a little pity party
a bratty problem to the thrid degree

there are others much worse
there are people even sadder
there are tragedies much harder that could make hearts shatter

but sometimes i want to be selfish
sometimes i want to just whine
sometimes i just want to complain
sometimes i just want to cry

because these things are the things they are
because these things are normal
because these things are what we are
because these things "just are"

i do tell you my i love yous
and i wish it could go deeper
maybe it does, i think it does
if not who would i be but a lousy weeper?

hi mum. i love you
hi dad. i miss you
hi, family. where are you?