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About Deviant CynEli SelNar G.C.Female/Philippines Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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Literature
122217 0403
Looking at messages, the bar blinking blue
Maybe a little patience would do
Maybe you're out. Maybe you're through
Maybe it's too late. Maybe I lost you
Every time it creeps to twenty four
Something comes around to fuck us up some more
Rarely is it your fault. Always mine
My hands are imprisoned. My brain's done a crime
Curled up in the dark, the cold, under covers
I contemplate if I should hug my mother
I need warmth. But then I remember
We arent quite on good terms either
I sigh in front of the dimmed screen
As my breath shakes every in between
Palpitating tissues resound in my chest
As the world around me loves a little less
For what my insensitivity, immaturity have done
My conscience falls in front of a smoking gun
That I held, blindfolded, shooting where I stood
Only to find out I shot all that was good
Fate taunts me in these little agonies
Before me bleeds all of the casualties
Fallen to pieces in lieu of my fallacies
My soul bound by the curse of treading tragedies
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
Tanginako
Sa dami ng kinikimkim mo,  di ko na alam ang totoo
Kung maniniwala pa ba ako sa mga sinasabi mo
Na "ok lang" "maliit na bagay" "kaya natin to"
Tinatanong ka kung ok ba tayo, tugon ay automatic na "oo"
Isaang linggong daraan
Ikay sasabog sa munting katwiran
Lalabas lahat ng poot na dati pang naipon
Hindi ka pala ok. Wala akong matugon
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
112717 Dlbrtn
Its been a long time coming
Im sure life was a blast
But theres too many demons now
Too many shadows from the past
Reaching,  breaching, creeping for me
Crawling,  clawing,  falling out to me
I swear its time to come undone
When the message from the vessel says that all your time is up
Im impressed. Im depressed. I wamt to suck it up amd own it
But how can i when all i do in life is just blow it
I can never see straight
Im easily distracted
Nevermore im forevermore relieving you of this girl tragic
What can i say its easy peasy to see the break of day
As a release from sabotage internal and when i make my way
To the land of peace and poverty of life of distant droning
An animosity between life and death yearning
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
deadtired by kayateya deadtired :iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0
Literature
A.
Attention, all citizens! Your leader is here
No more will you tread in poor paths,
nor Dwell in the stink of the rear
Rest well, you soldier, and do so completely
Even heroes need to sleep soundly
So, do so, and pat your own back
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
L.
A. Love eludes him from his own self
And never seems to give a care
Nevertheless, he does no belong on a shelf
Cobwebs or dust in air
Ergo, no more his loveless life will be
    with a group of friends as we
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
J.
Joy is something that will come to you
Hold on to life until then
As nothing is as rewarding as feeling true
Place all your poison on the train to Then
Repeat until you're back to breathing
In spire of the painful life of hurting
Let us comfort you as you breathe in
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
H.
Hey, my smol nerdy bean
Are you caring for yourself?
Need to sleep? One me you could lean
No hindrance will you ever be
And remember, my small precious bean
Human you are like all of us here
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
X.
eXistential, exemplary, extraordinary and dear
Your name is always sweet music to my ears
Never doubt yourself, my lovely
Never forget! Someone loves you wholly.
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
G.
Galleries of olden faded cheers
Washed out in cobwens of old
Youth greyed out as people can be
No safer place to go
End here the false facades of fear
To rest and live to grow
How dare you think this is no place
for a soul to sparkle clear?
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
Life and Death
Here, an adventure
Chasing you to dream again
Just open your eyes
There, a catharsis
Waiting upon your release
When you reach the sky
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
080817
IM just tired of peope
being tired of me
i told you im awful
i told you surely
it's hard to see through the day
im living in a nightmare
it leaves me feeling empty
it leaves me feeling cold
im linving in a nightmare and i know you are too
im just ehre pretending face to keep the worset away from you
for one more inght
pray for me
therse too much to see todayi
i have to fight the urge to drift away
i swear its hopeless
i lost myself before
but not as  
my errors my failures
tey only et worse
you carers you lovers
you apathetic liars
i have o shut them out
protect the =m while i can
from all my worries and doubt
i hope they understand why i ran
its such a crime to be sad
is being sad such a bad crime
if so ill be behind bars for a lifetime
there rare horns on m shadows
black
purple green lue orange blurs smudgges
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
73017
I dont trust my legs to keep me steady
Or my arms to keep me still
I dont trust my heart to be ready
For the forces of fate's will
So please, for the greedy
Go take a part from me
But it's all worth but a penny
In the grand scheme a'medley
Feel free to take a part from me
For it's all ready to be free
It's all parted apart in convenient parts
To frankenstein-fix your broken hearts
Anywhere, anywho, anyhow but here
Anywhere, anywho, anyhow but here
Anywhere, anywho, anyhow but here
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
Inevidei
When the Players leave to lay and let stay
The wallow's stain
There's a small gain
To change
The way the game
Inflicts pain
Hiding the rare grain
From the poor gaze
Asking
Blood or rain
To wash away
The wallow's stain
Unless its there to stay
And waste away The
Fabric 'neath the pave'
Until its binding truths
Give way to break away
From each other
From that point to another
And from now to whenever its all how to however
Until it's
At the world's end
When we're all dead and the toolsheds
Goes to shed all it's human shreds in drops of
Red
And dead ends
Loop together when nature ties loose ends
It's the same end
And we all bled
In the same shades of
Red
Lead the same end
Taste the same end
In the same shades of red
When Fate and Life wed
And the banquet gets ready with the warm bread
Or toast bread
Thats what the Planner said
'Bout when Fate and Life wed
Though the wallow stain
Is here to stay
Despite all the warnings and heedway
We lost way
Long before the end of the day
It's in our DNA
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
life and onions
my mind is a furnace never meant to thaw
my eyesf rom its heat have ddried themselves out
my life is a fiction, one everyone saw
but never could believe in no matter how raw
too many contradictions, too much to say
yet so little come out until i threten to sway
the plot is too hazy and the character too dumb
it seems her angels got lazy and maybe God got numb
giving away onions expecting people to peel
and seeing them instead dice away along to what they feel
alas, it's my fault. i shouldve been more clear
that the layers inside were things i fear
id hand out chunks, vague but precise
onions picked apart from the rotten palette pack
and then handed out raw yet incomplete as can be
from the batch that was supposedly sold as a whole
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
Literature
.
whats the truth? who do i trust?
i know its been a while but im starting to rust
maybe i already passed the point of corrosion
with all the abrasion from these raw emotions
the black is back, you see
unearthed from my digital sanctuary
they jumped out of the bytes of their confines
and circle around me as the prey to dine
they are too many thats quite sure
my feelings locked in each beast in a blur
they thrive from my sorrow and live from my blues
they grow black and toxic and haunt me true
i am plagued once evermore
maybe seven hundred times more
than ive ever been before
and what a joy! theres more
what should i feel? what should i wear?
what should i don to mask the spiderweb tear?
i am quite confused, perplexed to what i am
everything was wrong yet...could i feel a damn?
i actually dont want to. but...i have to?
cant i just let them go? flick off the bullet that went through?
whats happening, really? the story is thick inside the muck of hatred
i dont trust you and never accepted y
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0

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Embrace
I want someone to hug.
Not the clammy embrace of a mother,
the rough put-the-arms-around of a father,
the fleeting cuddle of a sister,
or the likeable hug of an uncle or aunt.
I want the touch of a person
who loves me for who I am
understands me when I'm silent
laughs with me through joy
cries with me through sorrow
holds me as the tears fall
and never lets go, even at the end.
If I ever find such a person,
my only hope is this:
That I can do the same in return.
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Subtle Confessions
I stare at a strip of burning paper
and my heart aches
Like a snowflake
I want to sink into your skin
I want to be the rain
outside your window
And somewhere the sun
melts into the horizon once again
Pastel paint dissolves in turpentine
A candle's flame submits to the wind
And-
Can you hear my whisper in these lines?
I want to disappear
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Literature
Agony
The clock is
noisily ticking by
-it's been hours
since you last replied,
but I keep checking my phone,
just in case-
the shadows thicken,
darkness blooms
around me
like a graveyard garden,
and my eyes
keep shooting around,
ears
hungrily waiting
for a sign of your text-
but the silence laughs
mockingly and harsh
as I slowly
fall asleep-
phone still
tightly held in my grasp.
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Activity


Looking at messages, the bar blinking blue
Maybe a little patience would do
Maybe you're out. Maybe you're through
Maybe it's too late. Maybe I lost you

Every time it creeps to twenty four
Something comes around to fuck us up some more
Rarely is it your fault. Always mine
My hands are imprisoned. My brain's done a crime

Curled up in the dark, the cold, under covers
I contemplate if I should hug my mother
I need warmth. But then I remember
We arent quite on good terms either

I sigh in front of the dimmed screen
As my breath shakes every in between
Palpitating tissues resound in my chest
As the world around me loves a little less

For what my insensitivity, immaturity have done
My conscience falls in front of a smoking gun
That I held, blindfolded, shooting where I stood
Only to find out I shot all that was good

Fate taunts me in these little agonies
Before me bleeds all of the casualties
Fallen to pieces in lieu of my fallacies
My soul bound by the curse of treading tragedies
Sa dami ng kinikimkim mo,  di ko na alam ang totoo
Kung maniniwala pa ba ako sa mga sinasabi mo
Na "ok lang" "maliit na bagay" "kaya natin to"
Tinatanong ka kung ok ba tayo, tugon ay automatic na "oo"

Isaang linggong daraan
Ikay sasabog sa munting katwiran
Lalabas lahat ng poot na dati pang naipon
Hindi ka pala ok. Wala akong matugon
Its been a long time coming
Im sure life was a blast
But theres too many demons now
Too many shadows from the past
Reaching,  breaching, creeping for me
Crawling,  clawing,  falling out to me
I swear its time to come undone
When the message from the vessel says that all your time is up

Im impressed. Im depressed. I wamt to suck it up amd own it
But how can i when all i do in life is just blow it
I can never see straight
Im easily distracted
Nevermore im forevermore relieving you of this girl tragic

What can i say its easy peasy to see the break of day
As a release from sabotage internal and when i make my way
To the land of peace and poverty of life of distant droning
An animosity between life and death yearning

deviantID

kayateya's Profile Picture
kayateya
CynEli SelNar G.C.
Philippines
I'm just another Cynical Elision.

Not much to say.

Music is my lifeblood and I listen to almost everything (except most of modern pop music.) Especially Orchestral, Post-Rock (and its derivatives), Rock and Metal (with almost all of their subgenres.), some older EDM, etc.

I write, but I am not talented enough to make it worth reading.
Maybe one day.



I am used to be my own Solace.
Yes, I am boring.

Kbai
Interests
I htought last year wa sbad. 
two more. two more people in my life despawning within this week
then the news. the world news, the local news/
then the disagreements the air the silence
the environment the weather the arguments the abuse
and now the coping the hiding and al the distracting just to get away
because i wanted to keep my word that i wont fall as low as before again
but maybe 
despite al lthe trying
despite finally fighting
i did
still did
and this time its more my fault than it ever was

but im alive
i twill be fine right?

im running out of ropse.

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:iconyanka-arts-n-crafts:
YANKA-arts-n-crafts Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2017  Professional Artisan Crafter
:icondawatchplz: :iconthanks4favplz:
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:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2017
Thanks for the fav!
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:iconjoltinjohnnylucas:
joltinjohnnylucas Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2017
thanks for the favoritism
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:iconcagnaccio87:
Cagnaccio87 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Hey there! I was jus passing by 'cause I really wanted to thank you for taking your time to pass through my profile page and for the :+fav: ! :la: I really appreciate it and I hope you will enjoy my future works as well! :dummy:

See you around and have a great day! :meow:

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:iconmarkturtoo:
MarkTurtoo Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2017  Professional Photographer
Thank you for adding me to your watch, I hope to deliver more of what you liked in my future creations. :bow:
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:iconnickalive:
nickalive Featured By Owner May 25, 2017  Professional General Artist
grato pelo fav
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spritemight Featured By Owner May 15, 2017  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the watch! :hug:
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:iconinky-black-honesty:
inky-black-honesty Featured By Owner May 9, 2017   Writer
Thank you for the favorite :blackflame:
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GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner May 1, 2017
Thanks for the watch. Have a 3D Llama Badge 
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Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2017  Student Writer
Thanks for the faves!
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