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About Deviant CynEli SelNar G.C.Female/Philippines Recent Activity
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Literature
Reconsi
If you change your mind about being mine
The idea of you will stay and live on in my confine
The ghost of you will still keep me in line
But by then it's easier to give up in life
When you go it's only proof
A twstament that it's better flr the world
For me to lay jusf as low as I did before
For love is something i truly do not deserve
Perhaps now yoi see why people keep leaving
It's rhe little things, theyvsay. The little things indeed
That make or break. Make and break everything
And i seemti break more iften, and so no more plead
For people tostay. Promise I will for never a repat of that mostake,
I will still fuck up somehow one way kr another
Little flames your grace your love is something im unworthy to partske
Because this is for someone who deserves you more as a lover
I know youre reconsideirng
Everyday from that day forth
Ive shown you no rreason to stay
For all the lackings and effort im worth
Ive shown you the worst of me when all youve given me was your best
We stood for s
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 0 0
.voidRain down destroy me by kayateya .voidRain down destroy me :iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0 Hey! by kayateya Hey! :iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0 we're good. by kayateya we're good. :iconkayateya:kayateya 3 0 April 19, 2017 - Skies by kayateya April 19, 2017 - Skies :iconkayateya:kayateya 3 1 Uptight pushover by kayateya Uptight pushover :iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0 Eyebrow or worm? by kayateya Eyebrow or worm? :iconkayateya:kayateya 6 0 04/12/17 - Sometimes, things look better from afar by kayateya 04/12/17 - Sometimes, things look better from afar :iconkayateya:kayateya 6 1
Literature
Cuddul
It was a long day.
Gwyneth and Xynn were slumped over their little deck, listening in on the distant sounds of traffic and roadrage. Birds circled around the amber sky.
"...but fuck you too, FNaF, and myself."
"Fucks all around, howbowdah..."
"Fuck off, its the end of this circle jerk," he grumbled.
Silence dominated. Gwyneth did a sniff, and mumbled a little "ok".
She appeared drunk, trudging off the terrace.
"What? Oh, no."
A hand caught her wrist.
They swayed with each other's weight as Xynn pulled her into a hug. She barely kept her feet up. Gwyneth hummed into his shoulder, keeping her grin as she felt him peck the top of her head.
"Izz sorry, goopbol..."
It was a long day.
Gwyneth was a blur of motion, and Xynn grunted as his back collided with the carpeted floor, small arms still snaked around his torso.
"T-thanks," he heaved.
Shuffling, a stray hand clumsily yet lightly cuffed him on the mouth.
"Shhhh. Doin a listen to home, fren," slurred Gwyneth. She shifted her head on his c
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0
Literature
secret in the soil
a secret turmoil
is in the cosmic soil
where secrets hide in every fractal
where souls transform into something tactile
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0
Literature
astronaut
Cant i just be a new moon forever?
had enough of the opportunity to be shown
for all that could bring is misinterpretations more brutal than possibly known
everyone becomes a spectator
an observer or appreciator
with cameras and clipboards and critiques that abhor
admiring the symmetry or lack thereof
the irregular passivity or whatever theyre thinking of
when all i need is one astronaut
who dares get away from the crowd temporarily
and hug the chapped exterior genuinely, daringly
to pull me closer to home
or help me make myself a home
out of the cold surface of my own bones
because sometimes it only takes one astronaut daring the atmosphere
to make the good cheers
heard
an astronaut to get rid of the vermin ive herd
an astronaut to let me hear every word
that the world has been saying slurred
and perhaps an astronaut would dare
tread the unseen and unlit bare
with every intention to know me better
and turn the dust into a cozy shelter
where both could find solace in
when the stray sun
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
ediS
No thats not it no thats not all
My dear theres more waiting down the hall
Just like the moon there will always be more
Than just the craters you can buy at the store
For what reason musy I reveal
The very things that i feel?
Inan effort to be more real
Or to justify the ideal?
No way no can do
Ive been trained and raised to just not be true
For if i do oh dear youll see
The beautiful spectrum of a bruise so blue
I shall recount i shall recall
I sill tell the stories and all
But expect no closure nor significant remarks
That will make me more than a bystander in a park
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0
Literature
moon
Life on the moon couldnt be any stranger
Beauty and calm in a misleading picture
Its getting harder every night
To take tye punches left and right
There are no stars in the sky
Theres no light
Where i am no one knows
Assumed to always be able to take the blows
The occasional phase allows the world to see
The beautiful image thats hell for me
The illusory sense of what hell could be
It isnot hot nor in flames
It is cold. Where your own fire wanes.
The unforgiving vacuum will suffocate the soul
With the void and darkness that swallows you whole
You will writhe and you will scream
Though moving is haeder than it seems
So you stare and simmer and then implode
At the gatling gun thoughts that destroyed your abode
There is nothing more lonely than looking up the End
And find yourself defenseless with not a single friend
Everyone refuses to see
The craters in the celestial C
Lofe on the moon is where i should be
For the moon is all i could ever be
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:iconkayateya:kayateya 3 0
A Question for Camus by kayateya A Question for Camus :iconkayateya:kayateya 2 0
Literature
Cosmic Principle
"There are things in this world, that I don't understand.
Like: Love, war, gravity, or the lay of the land.
But all of these remain mysteries,
but one thing is for sure, you are worth living for."
Those lines weren't mine
And they were too beautiful to derive from
though I thought of some rhymes
so I thought you should have some
But first, let me address how crappy that was^
and it's already just the first two stanzas
Oh well. Here I go about to make you cringe
strong enough to make a tinge.
Though I might be mistaken
since your armor's already jaded
with a few hundred dents too many
from the invasion of the black goo's army.
There are things in the air that can't translate to words
or stanzas, paragraphs or whatever other abstract in the world.
Just like the insatiable call to always be at least 3 meters near you
or at least near enough your vicinity just to help me believe youre true
Call it flattery. Call it faked.
But you can never take away this genuine ache
for your presence or a
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:iconkayateya:kayateya 1 0
Literature
Here
Through ashen days that end in gold
Or repugnant days encrusted in mold
Despite the storms the world has told
I will always give you my hand to hold
Thick and thin, near and far
I will never be beyond your par
I am your constant. I will be there.
And we'll tread along together in life's fare
This is my promise. My offered pact.
The shaking of your land gives truth to the fact
That unless you want the muck you grow stout
There are some things that need let out
But I wont force you to do so,
Unless the need radically grows
Youre precious to me, dear to the world
Let me treat the bloody wings you unfurled
Youve always been there for me,
The perfect guy
Who bathed me in affection tenderly
And held me as I cried
Internally and externally, without fail
To make me feel wanted and nevermore frail
I hope I can do the same
Have the magic touch to ease your pain
Just as you have with mine
I hope we can talk some time
But like I said, you set the pace
To when youll show your battered face
That was
:iconkayateya:kayateya
:iconkayateya:kayateya 4 0

Favourites

skull  by WHNG skull :iconwhng:WHNG 6 2
Literature
Long Distance, Wrong Distance
Have I ever told you
that if I sit really still and silent,
sometimes. I like to think
I can hear your heart beating
in time with mine?
Have I ever told you
that when I watch you speak to me
through lines and cords,
and bytes and ram,
I imagine
your voice,
whispering into my ear?
Have I ever told you
that I wait out each day
in anticipation,
wanting
only an hour or two,
just a second in space and time,
to feel close to you?
Have I ever told you
that there has been times,
when I ached for you,
ached for you so badly,
that the emotions overwhelmed me..
and so I sat and cried?
Have I ever told you
that sometimes,
I will reach out,
touching your name
on this cold screen before me,
wishing
I could reach in
and pull you to me?
Have I ever told you
that after the first time I heard
the sound of your voice,
thousands of miles away,
I sat up all night,
turning the conversation over and over
in my mind,
examining it,
like some newly discovered species of flower?
Have I ever told you
that I would
:iconpokeFAIL:pokeFAIL
:iconpokefail:pokeFAIL 93 28
:) by nickalive :) :iconnickalive:nickalive 265 17 The letter that never was sent by Peterix The letter that never was sent :iconpeterix:Peterix 77 6 The burial of dreams by MariaPetrova The burial of dreams :iconmariapetrova:MariaPetrova 85 0 Waitress by David681 Waitress :icondavid681:David681 92 10 Double Troubles by Ron-faure Double Troubles :iconron-faure:Ron-faure 498 16 The Inheritance by 2Bdubious The Inheritance :icon2bdubious:2Bdubious 144 12
Literature
Everything I've Said Wrong
I did it again.
Oh, no.
I messed up, didn’t I?
I didn’t mean-
Don’t see me as rude for this, please.
Please forgive me, I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry. I take it back.
I thought that you were done, and then-
I honestly didn’t want to say that.
It must have been all those little mistakes.
Never mind.
I interrupted you again.
I said something awkward-
None of it’s true.
I didn’t mean to cut in.
I’ve ruined everything now...
Don’t think about it. Forget what I said.
It just piled up and then-
Pretend I didn’t say anything.
Nobody would be able to stand it.
I meant to wait, I just...
I wasn’t thinking-
I’m lucky you even stayed in the first place.
I didn’t realize, again. I’m making everything worse.
Well, I was, but I didn’t mean to, and...
Just forget that I spoke.
I’m sorry. I understand.
Just forgive me, please.
I swear it was a mistake.
It just won’t stop hurting even then...
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette 15 17
Literature
Little Fuckup
I look in the mirror and wonder what you see
In this pathetic little fuck up which is me.
Because when you tell me of all the kind words,
Which I don't deserve,
All I see, when I look at me
Is a thing, little, ugly, and weak.
I try to show you what is me
I show you my soul
Or at least what is left
From all those years of self-hate and neglect 
But as soon as I see your eyes,
Your judgmental look,
And tone of voice,
Whether I imagined it or not,
I want to run away
Run as far as I can. 
But I never got far.
Because you gently grasped my hand,
And anchored me down.
You stayed next to me,
And told me how I am not what I see 
I yell, I scream, I struggle
"Get away from me! I am a monster... A mess... Too many flaws to possibly ever address."
Tears drip along my cheek,
Stinging me every bit of the way.
 "Let me g-"
You put a finger on my lips.
You whisper to me,
"You are not what you say you are. And no matter what you see, all I see is the perfect you. No matter what fla
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette 15 17
Literature
Silent Instrument
His music speaks; for he cannot.
:iconsarah2231:sarah2231
:iconsarah2231:sarah2231 30 45
Vanity Kills by Fealasy Vanity Kills :iconfealasy:Fealasy 232 3
Literature
Bitlet #8
He fell in love with the stars he could never see. 
or
She fell in love with the stars she could never see. 
- Justin Lin / Lykos
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette 1 0
Literature
Silhouettes
    Our silhouettes danced in the flickering candlelight. Silence hung between us as she rested herself against my shoulder, her hands holding mine, and her eyes signaling a desperate want for answers.
    I knew it would only be proper, to tell her why I had tried to ‘disappear’ from her life, from everyone and everything. I looked up a bit in the faint light that the candle did provide. The bottle of pills that I had tried to ingest still sat in front of us, silently in its pristine white container promising to take away the pain forever.
    I gave a small sigh. It would be proper to explain, but then again, it be proper of me to not want to die. It be proper for me to not have been told I have only a couple months left for me to live, and it would seem proper that I could at least maybe decide how I would want to die which would be at age 80 and of old age. But I knew that was an unfair burden to place on her.
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette
:iconlykosonette:lykosonette 1 0
Desolate Lands by cobaltplasma Desolate Lands :iconcobaltplasma:cobaltplasma 147 5 Converstations by Lqiness Converstations :iconlqiness:Lqiness 135 5

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If you change your mind about being mine
The idea of you will stay and live on in my confine
The ghost of you will still keep me in line
But by then it's easier to give up in life

When you go it's only proof
A twstament that it's better flr the world
For me to lay jusf as low as I did before
For love is something i truly do not deserve

Perhaps now yoi see why people keep leaving
It's rhe little things, theyvsay. The little things indeed
That make or break. Make and break everything
And i seemti break more iften, and so no more plead
For people tostay. Promise I will for never a repat of that mostake,
I will still fuck up somehow one way kr another
Little flames your grace your love is something im unworthy to partske
Because this is for someone who deserves you more as a lover

I know youre reconsideirng
Everyday from that day forth
Ive shown you no rreason to stay
For all the lackings and effort im worth

Ive shown you the worst of me when all youve given me was your best
We stood for some months now as able to ace the tests
But now heres the mohntakn that could make us sit down like the rest
Where i dread to part where i go east and you go west

For knowing the forecast wont make jt hurt any less
It was kidt hhat one day, ghat one day, honest
I dint want to justify that day with the context of the day
Bevause its nonjustifiable to ciolate something sacred
No matter what the mood kr how bad the wedk or day
And now everytning seems to cle apart for the lottle loe i said
I cant hide frkm you, not af all
I cant ninja around you nevause you deserve my genuie all
And that wa s one tjme one time i swear jt will never happen ahain
It was a bad night bjt i wish i tokka breather knsgead
.voidRain down destroy me
But even thats a mercy

What do i say? What do i know
I only seem to make people go
I know im not worthy i know im not good
So why does it hurt still to be where i should

Maybe holding off is a mistake too bht what do i know
Im just a lousy dreamer dreaming that people wouldnt go
But what so j know
Its all i know

The world puts people in their place. Thats the way it goes
For years jts been teachibg me to never resist its flows
Lest the pains will swallow me and churn me raw
But i never learned and kept peace with the flaw
In hopes of a better land that could be an illusion all along
A mirage in the turbulence, my minds attempt to prolong
Whatever little peace was left to grab hold on

So this little perfect solace i am not fit to keep
Will stay there in heaven while i dive once more deep
In the purgatory i knew I belong to
For always destroying everything that was true
Loading...
I htought last year wa sbad. 
two more. two more people in my life despawning within this week
then the news. the world news, the local news/
then the disagreements the air the silence
the environment the weather the arguments the abuse
and now the coping the hiding and al the distracting just to get away
because i wanted to keep my word that i wont fall as low as before again
but maybe 
despite al lthe trying
despite finally fighting
i did
still did
and this time its more my fault than it ever was

but im alive
i twill be fine right?

im running out of ropse.

deviantID

kayateya's Profile Picture
kayateya
CynEli SelNar G.C.
Philippines
I'm just another Cynical Elision.

Not much to say.

Music is my lifeblood and I listen to almost everything (except most of modern pop music.) Especially Orchestral, Post-Rock (and its derivatives), Rock and Metal (with almost all of their subgenres.), some older EDM, etc.

I write, but I am not talented enough to make it worth reading.
Maybe one day.



I am used to be my own Solace.
Yes, I am boring.

Kbai
Interests
I htought last year wa sbad. 
two more. two more people in my life despawning within this week
then the news. the world news, the local news/
then the disagreements the air the silence
the environment the weather the arguments the abuse
and now the coping the hiding and al the distracting just to get away
because i wanted to keep my word that i wont fall as low as before again
but maybe 
despite al lthe trying
despite finally fighting
i did
still did
and this time its more my fault than it ever was

but im alive
i twill be fine right?

im running out of ropse.

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:iconnickalive:
nickalive Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Professional General Artist
grato pelo fav
Reply
:iconspritemight:
spritemight Featured By Owner May 15, 2017  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the watch! :hug:
Reply
:iconabyssafire:
AbyssAfire Featured By Owner May 9, 2017   Writer
Thank you for the favorite :blackflame:
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner May 1, 2017
Thanks for the watch. Have a 3D Llama Badge 
Reply
:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2017  Student Writer
Thanks for the faves!
Reply
:iconxanderleonart:
Xanderleonart Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much for the watch !! Love Bubbles Black 
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:iconmiu-ne:
miu-ne Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2016
thanks for the watch !!! Bunny Emoji-32 (Waving) [V2] 
Reply
:icont-r-a-n-c-e:
t-r-a-n-c-e Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2016  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fave!
Reply
:iconweirdo-mess:
weirdo-mess Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hi, and thanks for the watch. Much appreciated.
Have a nice day!

WM
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the +fav and :+devwatch: dearheart. I appreciate the support!

With love,
Heart
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